'My husband died suddenly after back pain - his soul knew something'

A widow whose life was shattered when her husband died of a heart attack has transformed her grief into a new beginning by moving to Bali with her two sons to become a "thriving" digital nomad. Kate Marillat, 44, an emotional resilience coach and mentor, was left to raise her two boys alone after her husband Nigel, aged 47, passed away suddenly in May 2020.

Previously dreaming of the digital nomad lifestyle, which involves travelling and working remotely, Kate had been rooted in Peacehaven, East Sussex, due to family commitments despite having worked in Paris before. In September, she took the plunge and relocated to Sanur in Bali, where she and Nigel had honeymooned back in 2010.

Now, Kate and her sons are living it up in a three-bedroom villa complete with a pool, embracing daily activities like surfing and snorkelling. She's found that her finances stretch "three times further" in Bali, enabling her to afford private schooling for her sons Kieran, 13, and Seb, 10, and dine out more frequently.

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After losing Nigel, Kate experienced what she described as an "altered state of consciousness", but her expertise as an author and coach guided her through the tough times, helping her transition from just "surviving to thriving".

"It was the hardest day of my life when Nigel died," she confessed. Suddenly thrust from being married to widowed and a solo parent, she found herself grappling with questions about her identity: "All of a sudden, you go from married to a widow to solo parent, you have these labels, and you think, 'Who am I now? What do I want to create? What life do we want to lead?' Sometimes you need to take a step out of the life you're in to figure out what that's going to be when you go back."

Back in November 2019, life for Kate and Nigel seemed quite the norm as they welcomed a new puppy into their fold. With Kate working from home running online training sessions for practitioners and Buddhist Nigel working away at a merchant bank in Brighton, they led a "standard life".

Speaking fondly of her husband, Kate shared: "He was a very 'Steady Eddie' and a real family man – he was my rock."

Describing Nigel's health, she revealed that despite generally being fit, he'd been suffering from persistent back pain for some time, but it wasn't initially a major worry.

Detailing the approach Nigel took to manage his pain, Kate said: "He used to get a bad back and would practice something called breath work to help him with the pain. Since he'd had back pain before, we thought it was just back pain."

The explains that a heart attack happens when blood supply to the heart is blocked suddenly, causing symptoms such as chest pain, feeling lightheaded or dizzy, sweating, shortness of breath, or nausea. Nigel had only back pain without the other signs – until one fateful night in May 2020 when he collapsed abruptly.

Kate shared the harrowing details of her husband's sudden passing, recounting: "It was very sudden, it was at night, and it was the worst thing that can happen," and added, "He went into the boys' bedroom at one o'clock in the morning, which was unusual, and I think on some level his soul knew something. The next thing I heard was, he's collapsed and the boys shouted out."

After calling 999 and performing CPR while waiting for paramedics, Kate described the aftermath of Nigel's death from a heart attack: "I remember feeling that I had been hit over the head – it felt like a physical bruise on my brain.

"You have brain fog and you wake up in disbelief but... I still felt very close to him. He feels like an angel to me now."

In the year following Nigel's death, Kate moved with her children to Saltdean and leaned on her expertise in Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping, a method she has taught for years, to help manage her grief and focus on self-care.

Kate later decided to change her surroundings to aid in her and her children's healing process. She began exploring ways to expand her online business internationally, fulfilling her dream of working and travelling abroad.

Having previously visited Sanur in Bali on her honeymoon with Nigel, a place she describes as a "healing, beautiful place", she chose this location for their new beginning. The family made the move in September.

Discussing the impact on her children, she shared: "I would say it's definitely harder for a teenager than a 10-year-old. But they're surfing, they're snorkelling, they've got friends, they're out doing wake boarding and – all of these amazing activities."

Kate admitted that while life in Bali has been "wonderful", it has also been "lonely" at times. She still grapples with the emotional challenges of single parenting and financial independence.

According to bunq's Global Living Report, more than a quarter (28%) of digital nomads report saving more, while nearly one in four (24%) feel more financially secure – and this has been Kate's experience.

She revealed that she can now afford to send her children to schools, have her laundry picked up, ironed and returned for about £5 per week, and food is "so cheap". "These things have allowed me to have more time, more space, more self-care," Kate explained.

"I can finish my upcoming novel, grow my business and be more present for my kids and send them to private schools, which I couldn't do in the UK."

Kate, who has already enjoyed incredible experiences like swimming with dolphins on Day, revealed that she and her children will be staying in Bali for now. However, once her kids are grown up and settled, she plans to live as a digital nomad, travelling and working around the globe, with and other parts of Asia on her list.

The author, whose work has been published in seven languages, believes the move has brought her and her children closer together during their time of grief. She encourages others to "step outside of their comfort zone".

She shared: "When you go through a big life reset and you try and figure out what the next steps are, it's given me the space to figure myself out again for this next season. It has brought us closer as a family, I've definitely got more energy here, I'm feeling more grateful, at peace, and it's made me ready for this chapter and the next one."

For more information about Kate and her work, you can find her on @kate_marillat or visit her website at katemarillat.com. To learn more about bunq's Global Living Report, head over to bunq.com/blog/global-living-report.