Psychotherapist shares essential thing parents should do when kids go to school

The beginning of September marks the end of summer and for children and teenagers across the country, this means going back to school and feeling the familiar mix of excitement and nerves. For some, especially those moving from primary to secondary school, the transition can feel especially daunting.

To shed light on how parentscan best support their children through this period, Fahima Ali, an experienced psychotherapist and founder of Peace by Piece, has offered some useful advice. Based in London, she has more than a decade of experience working in mental health and couples therapy. She began working with young people at the start of her career as a therapist and progressed to working with adults and founding her own private practice.

Fahima, known online as fahima.therapy, has also built a strong following on social media after sharingmental health advice and tips during the pandemic to support those who were isolated and communities who have a lack of resources and access to support.

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As her early career involved placements in secondary schools and offering counselling sessions in sixth forms, she has experience working with teenagers and families and the therapist-turned-content creator is aware of what a “huge transition” it is for children who are going from primary school to secondary school.

Fahima understands how “daunting” this can be and encourages parents to help children name what they are feeling, such as anxiety, and have a “worry dump the night before.”

She exclusively told The Mirror: “I always say the more you can do beforehand, the less stress you'll feel that morning. So kind of planning, preparing, having a school buddy really helps just to bounce back some of those things.”

The psychotherapist explained the main issues children starting secondary school face stem from being in a new environment and having to build new friendships, such as when friends in primary school don’t go to the same secondary school as it’s like “starting new again.”

Fahima added: “It can bring up a lot of nerves when you don't know many people or the friends have been put into different classes so you're going in and there's a group of students and you don't know anyone.

“That in itself feels very daunting and it's one of the things that they feel like they'll have to start again or build friendships straight away and if it's not straight away then it's quite isolating.”

And there's one essential thing the expert advises parents to do before kids go to school and when they come home - check in with their children. She added that the morning “is so important,” observing that when children are fully rested, their mood is so much better.

She encourages parents to have a calm morning and a good breakfast with their children and speak to them about how they’re feeling so they “know they've got that safe space to be expressive and talk if they need to, without kind of pressuring them to.”

Fahima noted that “constant checking is really important for parents”. However, she acknowledged that there are parents who are working and might not be able to plan early, such as buying school uniforms. But she noted that there are “so many other things that can be done to prepare children”, like having conversations with family friends who are already in secondary school.

The therapist also shared that when a parent is stressed or anxious, children often pick up on this, which doesn’t help to regulate the emotions of a child who is feeling nervous about starting secondary school.

She believes it's essential for parents and children to have separate spaces to express their emotions and regulate, whether it’s by journaling or doodling, for example. Fahima remarked: “Just let it out and it could feel like at least you've made space for it and then you can park it.

“When you make space for it, then you're not carrying it throughout the whole day. You don't feel like it's coming out in a way when you're talking to your children.”

To inspire children over the summer holidays and prepare them to go back to school, Fahima was one of the creators chosen to take part in TikTok’s Summer Skills programme, where children were able to learn new skills each week, covering topics like sports, music and literature.

Fahima led Wellbeing Week, from Monday, August 25, where she taught teenagers how they can emotionally regulate themselves and self-soothe, in preparation for going back to school.